Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Yes, This Really Happened.

Living in a house with 6 children and half of them still needing help (mothers insistence) in the bathroom......I am therefore the designated "wiper" for a few bums.  So, considering our higher than normal fiber intake, it is quit frequently I am hearing, usually yelled, "MOM, COME WIPE ME!"  Nice.  I'm fine with this.  It's my job. 

Today I heard a subdued, "Mom, (long pause) can you come wipe me?"  I was in the middle of tutoring someone in their math and writing out General Science flash cards so it took me a few seconds to switch gears from "teacher" to "bum wiper", but being the supermom I am, it took me only brief seconds to make this adjustment.

I cracked open the bathroom door to see a small child sitting on the commode, with his head bowed and resting in his hands. 

Small talk works best in situations like this.

"Hey, What's up?"

"I peed on my head."


The child raised their face out of their hands and sure enough.....wet hair on the forehead. 

"Oh," I said, "then you should probably get in the bathtub and wash your hair."


Considering that the victim was of the male gender, I was pretty sure that waiting until the last possible second and hasty aiming -or lack of- were the main factors in this strange case.

So, into the bathtub in the middle of the day and being the versatile mother I am, I quickly transformed myself into "Child Cleansing Mode".  A little lavender oil and shampoo does a wonderful transformation and soon this discourage soul was soothed and on his way smelling heavenly and feeling refreshed.

What a memory.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Tonto Talk

Simeon was working on grammar today and got a little confused.  Trying to get him to think a little more clearly I prompted him, "'He is going up the mountain' or 'Him is going up the mountain'?"  (His problem involved more that this simple information, but I was just trying to jog his memory without giving him the answer.) 

He ended up more confused than ever.  "Him is going up the mountain?" he asked me with a blank look on his face? 

Jubal snickered under his breath and said, "That's Indian", a sure sign they're watching to much Lone Ranger!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

New and Improved Salad Dressing!

Ahh...almost forgot this one.

Jubal was choosing a salad dressing the other night from the 78 bottles of dressing I have in my refrigerator.  He grabbed one and then slowly read, " Light Catalina, reduces fat".  I quickly grabbed the bottle.  Oh, wonder of wonders!  Could it be? 

Bummer. "Reduced fat".  A big difference one letter makes.

Well, Simeon thought it was pretty funny and snickered about the salad dressing that "reduces fat" for the rest of the night.  If Only......


The Seasons Project

I took my two violinist-Simeon and Elsa- to see violinist Robert McDuffie with The Venice Baroque Orchestra at The Grand tonight.  They were playing Antonio Vivaldi's "The Four Seasons" along with "The American Four Seasons" composed by Philip Glass as a companion piece to Vivaldi's. 

I could never do the experience justice with mere words. 

Simeon sat smiling with eyes closed for part of the concert and I had to keep Elsa from applauding between movements so exuberant was her response.  I knew what they were feeling.  The music took my breath away as we sat spellbound for 2 hours of musical bliss.

I found myself breathing (or not) with the intensity of the music.  Shaken and saturated with the sheer beauty of the murmuring stream, the approaching storm with it's lightning and thunder, the summer's oppressing heat, the melody of the hunters call and the snow with freezing winds.

It was not a concert.  It was a piece of heaven.  If this is what man can compose, I can hardly wait.

A little note:  Elsa prayed right before the concert that she would get a ticket for a seat next to her violin teacher who was also going.  He had bought his ticket months in advance......we were buying ours at the door.  I did not have the heart to tell her that chances were slim to none that we would be even in the same section.
Elsa's seat was row E seat 4, her teacher's was row E seat 6.  Seat 5 was empty.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

All for the want of a coffee pot

What? I have a blog? 

Life has accelerated from fast to turbo within the last few weeks since school started the beginning of September.  Hence the long absence from blogging.

A very notable event happened the end of August.  The carafe to our coffee pot was dropped and broke (boo) by a well intended child who was trying to pour her mother a cup of coffee. (awww....)  Not wanting to "jump the gun" by running out to purchase a whole new unit, I opted to order the needed part from the manufacturer's web site. 
After a few weeks of waiting, I called the company to inquire as to the status of and the exact meaning to the words "Your order is being processed", which happened to be the only response I was getting to my inquiry via their web site.  "Oh," was their reply, "That is on back order until the end of September."  At that point I slowly and carefully explained my dilemma of being a home school mom of six kids without her coffee.  Hmmmm....huge disconnect there.  No sympathy and they did not even try to offer a solution at that point, just that I "should be receiving it around the beginning of  October".  Nice.  I felt like asking them if they would like the address for the psych ward at the nearest mental facility, because that's where I would probably be by the time they got around to sending it. 

It is now October 10th and I am still drinking instant (shudder) coffee.  My "salvation" during this coffee trial is the beautiful fact that we have a McDonalds about a mile from the house.  This has saving me many days from just chewing on coffee beans or throwing myself through the huge picture window in our dinning room. 
I have - on more that one occasion - rummaged through the house, scrounged through my purse, and borrowed from the kids to get enough change to run (drive in the car) through the McDonald's drive-thru and purchase 2 large coffees which I take home to reheat and drink throughout the day.  This is good.

I had splurged in this manner this past Friday, and had finished the first cup when I trotted back into the kitchen -from the school room- to get the second cup.  I cannot possibly describe my shock and disappointment at finding the second cup of coffee empty.  Empty, with a hole poked in the bottom of the cup. "How did this happen?", I asked the kids. They were as amazed as I was, or so they feigned surprise at the disappearance of my coffee.  Kids were interrogated and many probing questions asked.  Nothing. 

Many fingers were pointed at Andie, who during her questioning managed to keep a straight face and not lie, by pretending to have no idea what I was talking about.  She kept looking at me with her head tilted slightly to one side and questioned me back with, "What?  What?".  She's a smart one.  I even sniffed her breath for a whiff of coffee because she has been known to inhale my coffee if she finds it unattended.  Rats. Nothing.  (Although, there was a little smile that kept hovering around her lips the whole time I was questioning her, and her smile is so mischievous now that she has that missing tooth in front...)  

Did she drink the coffee?  Maybe. Did I get upset?  No. These kinds of weird and strange things happen here all the time. This is normal at our house.

Monday, July 26, 2010

The tooth and nothing but.....

I was sitting on the couch tonight, giving a parental review to a book that Marilla had brought home from the library when I heard a huge crash followed by a wail of pain.  Leaping off the couch, I raced up the stairs and to the room of the crying child.  Andie was laying face down on the hardwood floor with tears streaming from her eyes and her mouth bathed in blood.  It's amazing how fast you can move when you find one of your children in that position. 

I snatched her up in my arms and carried her to the bathroom where I ran cold water over a clean washcloth and tried applying it to her mouth.  I say "tried" because my hands shaking and I could already taste blood in my own mouth. (This is a wonderful phenomenon that happens to me when ever I have to administer first-aid to a child with a mouth wound.  The last time it happened, I ended up passing out on the bathroom floor while trying to comfort Jubal who had smashed his lips and teeth while using the hammock for a trampoline.)
Eugene, knowing my history of fainting, was just as concerned about me as he was Andie. 

It was when Eug examined Andie's mouth, ran back into her bedroom, and returned with a tooth in his hand that I could feel my mouth starting to get numb and head started to buzz.  I handed the distraught child to her father and promptly hit the floor to get my head between my knees.  No, I did not pass out, but it took me a few minutes to recover to where I could resume my duties as "supermom".  Ha!  

Poor Andie had knocked out her front right tooth!  She was so distraught.  She kept crying and saying, "....all I was trying to do was go to sleep.....I was just trying to sleep when I fell out of bed and hurt my tooth....."  (I was still tasting blood.)  Oh, there's blood on my hand.....look at my tooth, it's gone!.....the tooth fairy......papa's braces......Elsa tooth...."  She was a basket case and I was still feeling very light-headed.

The drama soon got under control and Andie was whisked, by a teetering mother, off to the bedroom for a change of pajamas. She soon snuggled down with her blanket and thumb to drift off to our bed.  She wanted no part of her bed which had so rudely tossed her onto the floor while she was "trying to go to sleep.". 

So, do these things happen to anyone else?  Because I can still taste blood.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

A Strange Thing

As I was getting the kids ready for bed tonight I heard some ruckus on the back porch. 

A bang, (the exterior door on the porch being slammed open) a scramble, (my dog who has a phobia of stairs, tearing up the stairs in a panic)  a thud, (Eugene, who having the leash wrapped around his arm and being un-prepared for the "panic on the steps", falling and being drug up the steps)  and a muffled cry for help. ( Eugene on the back porch, flat on his back, tangled with a nervous Kin and his leash )

I arrived for the last of this humorous happening and observed from the safety of kitchen screen door the tangled pile of dog, human, and leash.  Did I lend a hand?  Why yes, I opened the door and called the dog in the house.

My New Hobby

Hardwood floors.
A nervous cat. 
A dog who wags his whole body. 
Microfiber dust mops. 

Four sentences that sum up my new pastime since moving to the new house. 

*sigh*  I can not even start to describe the piles of dust and pet hair I have acquired with my newly purchased cleaning equipment.  If I was truly a resourceful housewife I would start to recycle my acquisitions into woven rugs and mats or perhaps matting it with a little water and beating it into a felt-type of material?  Um, no.

I am shamefully obsessed with this new chore and as of yet, have not allowed the kids to work this "sophisticated equipment". As a result, yet another phrase has made it's way into the usual 101 phrases my children are treated to on a daily basis. "Hey, get out of my dirt!" is repeated more than once during the day as I attempt to purge my wood floors of animal hair while the kids are running through the room and NOT attempting to skirt the piles I have accumulated.  Argh.

Why is it that the kids can be outside playing and running around.....and as soon as I start to get productive with the dust mop they all congregate in that VERY ROOM?  I could have a pile of dust and pet hair 3 ft high and still have kids walking through it and acting shocked and surprised when their mis-deed is pointed out.
I'm in the process of trying to get in on the government's stimulus package to see if I can get funding to do a case study on the phenomenon of  "Children who persistently insist on walking through swept up piles of dust."

Well, it's worth a shot.

Monday, July 19, 2010


What a day.

I drove 3 of the kids to camp.

My dog had an attack of diarrhea right in the middle of a downtown intersection.

Our six year old daughter caused the rear window on the back of the Suburban to explode, shatter, and buckle in half.

The four year old just happened to be in the upstairs bathroom when the ceramic toilet paper holder "fell" off the wall.

The Bonneville is in the shop for repairs.

I am going to bed.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Completed Move!

Just a quick update. Yes, we have completed the move and are in our new house! Every morning when I wake up I am so thankful for God's blessings. I now have a large, sun lite home in which to "slave-drive" my children. (haha...that was a joke.) They do have many more chores in this home than in the house in Wausau, but for the most part they're understanding of the work needed in a larger house.

The children are adjusting nicely and are zooming down to the local library on their bikes 5-7 times a week. The bakery has also been graced with their presence as they have (on orders from their mother) picked up rolls and sweets on occasion for a breakfast treat. We have a sidewalk in front of our house here, so Andie has ventured onto her two-wheeler with training wheels and is well on her way to competing in the Tour' de France in a few years.

I do plan on having some pictures taken and posted in the next few weeks of our new home, but we have not had our Internet hooked up as of yet. argh. I do hope to post and blog more often once things get back to normal.....whatever that is.

Ta-ta! (fancy words for "good-by")

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A new day!

Yes, today I completed the last steps of deleting my Facebook account and it felt GOOD! One of the most productive thing I've done so far this week. I do hope to have a few more "real" friends following my, if you wouldn't mind, just click on the "Follow" button over to the right and feel free to comment as your little heart dictates. Thanks, and I hope your week is ever so productive as mine has turned out to be.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Rope

The kids found a piece of rope in the garage the other day. I have never seen one object spark such imagination.

Today they are playing farm with the rope. Maddie the neighbour girl (the lucky one who actually got to use the rope) was the "cow" tied up to the swing set on all fours biting grass with her teeth while the other "cattle, sheep and horses" were "out to pasture". This meant that they were crawling around the yard ripping grass with their teeth or hands. Some of this grass was deposited in a wagon for "hay". All because of a piece of rope.

The fun was in full swing when Jubal, clad in running pants and cowboy boots, suggested that they butcher the cow (Maddie) for market the next day. This caused a hush to fall over the "livestock". Then a voice piped up with the idea that maybe she should have a calf first. This motion was met with much enthusiasm and approved by all until a "horse" announced that, "Well, ya' know....sometimes the baby cows don't live." The "cow" was becoming nervous. She quickly shed the piece of rope.

They wrapped up the activity by "baling" the "hay" in some old newspapers and stacking it under the swing set for later use. The rope quickly found its new calling as a "harness" for "horse " who was then called upon to pull the "farmer" around on his tractor (scooter). Go rope!

Who would have thought that such a simple thing as a length of rope could have entertained and fueled the imagination of a group of kids for so long. Three cheers for "The Rope" and a neighbourhood of kids who still know how to have old fashion fun!!!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

It's been a while since I've posted here's a few "items" that have been accumulating:

Just a few phrases you will probably only hear in a home school....."Put your gun down and finish your math!" or, when the smoke detector goes off, "If you kids get out of your seats you're going to be in HUGE trouble!".

Jubal the other day: "Why can't I shoot my finger at someone? is it because there's not an orange tip on it?"

I was sick the other day when Elsa came in and asked if she could pray for me. "Wonderful", I thought, as she laid her hands on my head and prayed for my healing.....all the while Andie, who had followed her in, was gently kissing me on the lips. This was great until they started to wrestle for my "body" like the biblical reference to Michael the angel and the devil disputing about the body of Moses (Jude 1:9). No wonder I was ill in bed.

And today, the kids were busy trying to lasso each other as they sped by on their bikes. This worried me because they were getting more accurate with each pass, and the rope they were using was a nice sturdy one that really held its shape while being whirled in the air above their heads waiting to be tossed upon its next speeding victim. So, now they all want to know where they can buy more rope. I guess it's no fun having to share one piece of rope between 6 kids. Marilla announced she would like for hers to be "... at least 8 yards, which is 24 ft, in length." Well, at least they're paying attention in math.